A High School Reunion

I'm having a bit of anxiety this morning over a couple of emails I got this morning. How do people find you? Two friends from school emailed me. It was to join facebook AND to join my High School Class Reunion webpage. EEEEEeeeeeek!

Let me just say for those that didn't know me back then, that was NOT the best time in my life. THIS is the best time in my life. I'm VERY embarrassed to remember how I was back then. Very shy, very judgemental and it all came off a whole lot snobbish. Still to this day if I run into someone from school, I get very shy and intimidated. Why is that?

So I took a bold move and filled out the questionaire and joined the group. It was fun to go back and see all the old photos and the new updated ones. When did we all get so old? Dang.

I thought it was such great timing as I've really been convicted lately of the 'fakeness' that we seem to put on ourselves. The worry that we take on, if someone is judging us or just thinks poorly of us. Why do we care? When we are all so different anyway. We are loved by the only ONE that matters, we have family and friends that love and care for us. Why would it matter if someone thinks we're not intelligent, too chubby for her jeans, not thoughtful enough or just an overall goober. What 'cool' club are we actually trying to get into.

Do you like how I started this out to be about me and then quickly changed into it being about us all? It makes me feel better to think that all of us struggle with the same thing.

Do we have idols in our life? I know I have plenty and I'm working on beating them down. Or at least putting such a huge separation between God and the 'things' that I like in this world.

One of the struggles I've had in doing this blog is that I'm being myself here. There is just NO WAY I can be fake. And at times I get scared that I've been too transparent. What if someone thinks I'm not spiritual enough, not a good enough Christian, that I'm not a good mom or wife. What if they see me for who I am and they don't like me?

Jay has been my number one encourager to continue with this blog. What a lesson it can be in teaching me to just be me all the time, with everyone.

What's funny is that my whole life I think I'm so NOT worthy, that I'm not trying to put on 'airs'. But what it really came across as was that I did think I was 'all that' or 'not nice'. And it really was the furthest thing from my heart or mind.

Wouldn't it be cool to go to a reunion, like a High School reunion and wear a sign that said. "Hi, I'm Dena, remember me? I'm sorry if I was every rude or unfriendly to you, all I really wanted was to be your friend." What would happen then?

I have some regrets in my life. None would be earth shattering in the 'world's view', but they are devastating to me. I wish I had lived my life more on purpose back then, hadn't been so intimidated by everyone, wish I had been a better friend. But then I wouldn't be me now, probably. I guess we all have our regrets and memories and choices that we've made.

I, for one, am thankful for my life. For the family I was raised in. For the God that I have had my whole life. For the things I have learned. For the many blessings that God has blessed me with along the way. I may have those regrets and they make me sad, but what motivation to change things now.

So for all my six readers :o) thanks for reading and then coming back to read some more. :o) I enjoy reading things like this about others and hope it blesses you as much as it does me.