Being Moved

I'm sorry I've been away for awhile. God has been doing some serious work in me and I've been really struggling with this blog. My pride and selfish spirit was backing this blog and I was finally convicted of it. Especially when Sweetie and I find ourselves upon hard times and there really isn't any room for pride and selfishness when you're struggling.

I'll try to keep this short as I know that those long wordy bloggity posts can get boring.

Our country is in a recession. duh. The state of California is really feeling the hurt of that recession in a big-big way. We have a house and a company in California. Work slowing down to such a minimum and us trying to carry it through left us in a mess of debt. Then work slowing down to be almost non-existent has made dealing with those bills troublesome. Our house in CA won't sell, we are probably too upside down in it anyways and can't get anymore $$ out of it to pay anything off, so it doesn't really help us to lower the cost of it, plus it just feels like we're giving it away and not being good stewards with it. We found out that we have a chunk of equity in our home here in NC so we are going to try to put it on the market. Our company here is doing good and we are so very thankful for the Lord's provision. He is ever faithful and good, and has proved as much to us through the years.

I have also been faced with the realization that I am closer to God when we are struggling. I know this is not news to anyone, it is a common thread in many people's lives. But I don't like that. I want to feel this heart melting peacefulness when I rest in HIS arms all the time. There is truly no better place to be, ever.

We have slowed down our watching of movies, even though we have the clear play machine that takes the 'bad' out for the kids...we realized that we're still maybe allowing too much negative and right now we need some positive. So last night we watched 'Facing the Giants'. I won't even apologize for it, it is by far my most favorite movie EVER. The lessons taught in that movie move me every time I watch it. By the end I'm in tears and I am always seeing something else that I can learn from it. It reminds me of the crucial importance of Godliness in our lives and not letting 'everything else' get in the way. It reminds me of the preciousness of simple things, things that God provides and nothing more.

So I've decided to start blogging again. I want to apologize for maybe trying to appear like I had it all together or that my life was so 'idealistic' or perfect. It is far from the truth. Hopefully I didn't come across that way at all. But I know that my heart was not in the right place and I'm sorry for that.

We find ourselves in not unfamiliar territory, we have been without before and we've been in riches, and now we find ourselves in the land of 'without' again. It's hard to go backwards. I've seen others go through it and have known that it would be hard on anyone. I find myself with mixed emotions, sometimes I'm crying because of the weight of it all, other times I'm rejoicing for what I can see now, that I wasn't seeing before. I am thankful.

Not too long ago I prayed that God would break down the walls that I had up, that he would just break my heart that I might see Him more. He is doing that and I have found such joy, I cannot even tell you.

At the beginning of my blogging break I had been reading all sorts of blogs and some in particular that talked about 'having a blog purpose'. I am like other bloggers where I live my days seeing all sorts of funny stories that if I had the time to run right to the computer I could blog all day. But I wanted to have more of a purpose and didn't know what that looked like. I finally decided to pray about it. And I had lots of days looking at the screen with absolutely no coherent thought to put down. And then tonight, it came, along with a fresh rush of tears.

I will still blog for my family that loves to know what we've been up to. I will still blog embarrassing things about my family and me. I will still show you obnoxious pictures of my house and all things organizational. But hopefully my heart will be in the right place and I will share more of our 'reality' journey here as well.

So I leave you tonight with a thankful list from today...

1. Sleeping in till 9am, the whole family.

2. Snuggling and talking with Sweetie this morning in bed.

3. Making breakfast for my guys while we all sat in the kitchen talking.

4. The quality conversations that we are having lately.

5. That first sip of coffee. Oh my goodness, it's so incredibly yummy. I have to sit down just to enjoy it more.

6. My well toasted english muffin, butter & blackberry fruit spread for breakfast.

7. My hour long chat with my Mama, while laying on the cozy sofa.

8. My Sweetie, who is the mostest-bestest husband ever in the whole entire land. That man is so much fun.

9. The Jr.High humor that goes on between my boys. Cracks me up, though I don't ever want them to do that in front of my Grandmother!

10. Getting lost on the way to the hospital (to visit friends that just had a baby) but then finding moving boxes, lots and LOTS of free moving boxes. If I had bungee cords I would have totally been able to take them all and strap them on the top of the car. It's amazing how many boxes my little Camry can hold.

11. Learning my way around Chapel Hill and UNC hospital.

12. Getting to hold sweet baby Charlie, he's such a cutie.

13. Making a yummy dinner including a chocolate cake for dinner, and watching the little league playoffs on TV.

14. Sweetie getting to watch his first Charger game on TV, while eating his cake and drinking his coffee. He is a happy-happy man.

Thanks for reading. Big love and hugs to all of you.