happily ever after: Tales from a Tree Stand

Monday, December 22, 2008

Tales from a Tree Stand

We interrupt this Christmas break to bring you some funny stuff from a tree stand.

For those of you that don't live in the South and know that this is Deer Hunting Season; a tree stand is like a half baked, very lame tree house. Just big enough for two people to sit in and wait...and wait...and wait...and freeze.

Never mind that I learned how to shoot guns when I was young and little. Never mind that I'm still a great shot. Never mind that my dad still makes his own ammo. Never mind that I've eaten pheasant that he killed. I still don't get that whole 'can't wait to shoot and eat that thing' idea.

Anyway, I married a man that agrees with me. The oldest story of him with a gun is with his friend Don when they lived in Ramona, shooting I think rabbits. Jay wounded the thing and then couldn't bring himself to put it out of his misery. Don had to take care of it. (Don't tell him I told you, he wants people to think of himself as a big tough guy.)

Fast forward a few years. Our dog got ahold of a bunny on our property in Ramona and didn't 'kill' it all the way. So Jay had to take care of it. He nearly lost it and was a little bummed the rest of the day.

SO, now we live in the South. Down the street from Jay's best friend. Who likes to go hunting. Has trained all his kids to hunt. Their youngest got his hunting license before he turned one. His oldest can skin a deer like no one else, all the while wearing her diamond dangle earrings. (She's gonna be a treasure for her future husband.)

Sweetie's first encounter with hunting was to go with Don to hunt the Groundhogs that were destroying his parents property at the plantation. Jay was not too pleased. It was cold. It was boring. He kept complaining and wondering why they couldn't just hunt from inside the cab of the truck drinking a Starbuck's. They didn't get any that day.

Now our oldest, Calvin, LOVES to hunt. He loves all things weapon and outdoorsy and manly and hunting. So for Christmas last year we got him all the gear, Daddy got him a gun, we promised him the safety classes and his license. Of course that meant that Jay would have to go with him....oh the joy. So Sweetie got himself some hunting gear and the classes and his license. They've gone twice so far. And there is still just chicken and fish in my freezer. (and yes, I'm glad, cuz, don't you know we'd have to have Miss Katie from down the street come skin the thing for us.)

Last time they went I was waiting at home (praying they wouldn't get anything) and started getting these emails from Sweetie's blackberry.


Jay to Don: Is one of the two straps that hold the stand to the tree supposed to be broken? At least the top strap is still there.

Don to Jay: I know you don't want to hear this, but Stony was suppose to fix that.

(a little while later)

Jay to Don: Now what? I'm bored. Let's talk.

Don to Jay: You need to sit still.

Jay to Don: I think that is why I'm bored. Maybe if we play a little tag for an hour or so? Your it!

Don to Jay: I should have known it, you're better suited for laser tag...Just sit still for a little longer.

Jay to Don: Maybe if we could get something with a little more cushin and a small plasma TV, maybe a heater or a blanket?

(this is when Don started ignoring him, I could have taught him that and saved him a lot of trouble.)

Dena to Jay: What a goober! I'm waitin for my dinner, where is it?

Jay to Dena: Sorry, but don't tell Cathy I accidentally shot Don.

He's a treasure and I love him.